Dating
Smart Dating #3: 21st Century Courtship
Dating With Purpose In times past, dating and courtship were closely linked to marriage in a clear sequence of relationship development. Dating was a low-commitment means of getting to know a person in their character. Once one individual was singled out for special attention, courtship followed and the unspoken assumption was that this was a…
Read MoreSmart Dating #2: Ask ‘Why’ before you Try
Sexual Compatibility Since the 1960’s the slogan ‘try before you buy’ became a common excuse for premarital sex. It’s still popular today and has underpinned the rise in cohabitation. We’ve been led to believe that ‘sexual compatibility’ is the most influential factor in a successful marriage. Of course when you think it through, the line…
Read MoreSmart Dating #1: The Serial Relationship Trap
From university campuses to the work place, the unspoken rules of 21st century dating are that sex is expected, commitment and fidelity are optional, and marriage is a dirty word. Most people will enter a series of intense romantic relationships before marriage becomes a serious possibility, some starting the process of serial dating in their…
Read MoreThe Commitment Challenge #3
Sex and Committed Relationships In a recent discussion at a youth conference, it was put to us by some of the participants that pre-marital sex was acceptable as long as it was a ‘committed’ relationship. Casual sex was seen to be inappropriate and perhaps dangerous, but if the couple were in a committed dating situation,…
Read MoreThe Commitment Challenge #1
Commitment Phobia We’ve heard the phrase bandied around for years, but is it really as simple as someone being afraid of, or threatened by, making a commitment to his or her dating partner? Usually the ‘Commitment Phobia’ accusation is leveled towards the man in the relationship with the related belief that it comes down to…
Read MoreThe 50-50 Marriage Myth
In our society, a lot people think that marriage is a fifty-fifty arrangement. That we each contribute equally to the relationship. The problem with this kind of thinking, is that it leads us to hold back and to keep score. We fell into this trap earlier in our marriage. When life started to get busy…
Read MoreFree Sex? The Unintended Cost of the Pill
While the western world celebrates the 50th anniversary of the pill, an American economist, Timothy Reichert*, using simple but powerful competition theory, is questioning its benefit to women. The Mating Market The theory goes thus: There used to be just one ‘mating market’. If a person wanted sex, it was readily available in marriage and…
Read MoreWedding Stress: Dealing with In-laws
When you marry, you marry into a family. And your fiancé gets more than just a new spouse, he/she gets another branch of the family – your family! Read on for tips on handling tension with in-laws. This is how it has always been, but in recent decades, the reality of extended family has come…
Read MoreFinding Reverse
Stuck in drive When visiting Rome recently, we borrowed a friend’s car to drive out of the city for a day. Everything was going fine (despite the fact that Roman drivers ignore the lane markings!), until we turned down a one way street the wrong way. Another car, traveling in the right direction, stopped, waiting…
Read MoreThe Pill and Partner Choice
It has long been known that hormonal contraceptives diminish a woman’s natural sexual drive (also called ‘libido’). Now there is real life evidence that the Pill also affects a woman’s partner choice. In a study published in Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, the authors speculate that hormonal contraceptive use before marriage could have a long lasting impact…
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